The Scarlet Layout

“Dreams can often become challenging, but challenges are what we live for..”

There are many times that I feel that I am losing myself, I don’t know who I am anymore apart from being a wife and a mom. I don’t really have friends, in the sense that friends you can call, go out to lunch/dinner with, you know that kind of camaraderie which I used to enjoy during my working day and pre baby years.

And when I found a contest in one of the craft blogs I stumbled upon early this month, I thought this is something I could do to nurture my soul, to feed the artistic passion inside me. At least this kind of thing I can do at home, no need to go out, after all I already have the materials. So each available moment everyday since then, I did my research, browsed through the stack of card making and scrapbooking magazines, pondering the piles of online picture, thinking what kind of layout I want to submit for the contest.

Yet this morning when I woke up, I realized I might not have time to complete the layout. The dateline is today, 15th July. The son has been extra clingy these days, and I have been swamped with house chores. I thought, there goes my dream of entering the contest, I have a pathetic life, I can’t even do something for myself at home, something that might take 2-3 hours the most on my own. I cried.

It’s just a craft contest, I know..but it breaks my heart to come to term that I have to fight and struggle so hard to find some precious and peaceful time for myself, to do something solely and selfishly for my own sake. I vowed not to check out any of the craft blogs after this, I packed all the craft magazines and books on the bed, put them away with the intention that once they are out of my sight, it will be out of my mind. But it’s bugging me..

Hubby came home, ate something, took shower and ready to babysit. But no, the son who woke up from his nap was not happy to be neglected, he cried and cried. I tried to work out the layout while letting him play in the craft room. I couldn’t concentrate and got pissed off with some blunders I made. You can’t really be creative when there’s a crying toddler hovering around..sigh!

At 9pm, Hubby went out with our son to the nearest Mac Donald. I told myself I should finish this by 10pm, giving myself one hour of solid mind. I managed to complete both layout and card by 10:30pm, snapped the picture and then they came home at 11pm..with Hubby bringing home a pack of nasi goreng ayam for me, the starving wife!

Well, I did it! I am an enthusiastic person nevertheless. It is such a humble feeling to realize that even with strong enthusiasm I wouldn’t be able to follow my dreams if there’s no support from Hubby and son.

I am so, so very grateful for you both!


  1. hi ya, that was a great job u did with scrapbooking, well when u think u r helpless just think there r other pathetic people out there who does not know a thing doing stuff like this (like me)

    cheers, its perfectly ordinary for us to have ups & downs feel towards our life.

  2. hi, why dont u join a playgroup with baby? im going to one with imran. moms can sit with the kids in class and can learn and play together (even small kiddies – a year and a half or so – attend and join in the songs). the kids make new friends and so do the moms!

    it’d do ilham good to meet other kiddies his age -may help him learn to be more independent. imran yg pemalu is also learning to climb out of his shell.

    some of my friends also send their kids to playgroup and they find that most of the moms r stay at home moms too and they love making new friends and planning parties/field trips for the kids.

    moms who are great at art n craft are very popular because they have all these craft ideas to contribute to the classes. 🙂

  3. FabMama, it was one of those days when the feeling was really gloomy..can’t help it, but fortunately it didn’t drag longer than a day for me..

    Mother of Three, I have been checking the schedule for such activities as well (kizsport, gymboree, tried tumbletots before), but so far the timing is not suitable for us..

    it takes a lot more effort for both of us to get ready, to get out from house, stick to the routine of such playgroup, which I really hate..not to mention the possibility of me finding other mothers annoying..haha!

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