These few weeks, especially the last few days have been very challenging..there were times that I doubt my decision to become a mom (yes, it’s true, I’m not trying to lie to myself and say it’s all joy and happy..huhu)..somehow I feel that I have NO LIFE but this life and role as a mom, the sole provider of everything to this one helpless, little creature who refuses to sleep when I hope he will sleep..sigh!
Reading a blog of another mom makes me realize that this time of hardship will surely pass by soon (read: 3-4 years down the road) and hopefully by that time I can write in this blog and says it’s all worth it (Amin!) Just like she wrote in one of her entry, though people around her see that she seems to have no life of her own apart from bringing up her kid, she feels that she actually still has a life but putting it on hold to bring up the child.
The same goes with me, frankly deep inside I do feel depressed and unhappy for not being able to do what I used to do especially the craft work and run the business since it demands a lot of attention and time (which at the moment has been devoted for the one and only son..heh!) but I think I have to do what needs to be done, whether I like it or not. No other human being could raise my child as good as I could, so for now I will just bear with it.
Oh God, please give me endless energy, and never ending patience to brave my days ahead! Son, Mama will put her life on hold for as long as she needs to, so please grow up to be a good man, OK!