What Does Being A Mother Mean To Me?

I am taking some time off for myself, thanks to Hubby for taking care of the little one tonight. I consider it as an advance Mother’s Day gift from both of them.

I have been not well these few days, having fever on and off, cough, throat irritation and cold. And today as I woke up, I realized that the little one has caught the fever as well.

I have to admit that once the son is in toddlerhood, my strength and patience each day are being stretched thin. I am ashamed to admit that sometimes I wish that I don’t have any child to look after. I am so tired that I no longer enjoy the motherhood.

But then again, I keep on thinking, what will happen to my life in the next 20-30 years if I were to remain childless? Will I be satisfied leading a life – carefree, doing as I please, no responsibility towards anyone but me…and it could be lonely as well.

2 years ago I decided to become a mom, I have no idea this is what I sign up for. I thought it will all be fine, what could be so tough about caring for another human being? You feed him, make him sleep, play with him, but the reality was far, far from that, trust me!

And I was proved wrong. God has given me such tasks that are not easy to handle. Maybe because God knows that I am such a tough and stubborn person that God thought..well, We won’t give this woman an easy baby to care for…give her something more challenging so that she will strive harder. Should I take it as a compliment instead of punishment?

People around me have more children in their life, and they seem to be taking it easy. I used to envy them until I see their upbringing style, their children attitude and I understood now why it is harder on me to be a mother.

I can’t change the fact that this is who I am. I want to be a good mother who raises a good man, and the definition of a good man in my dictionary is far, far complicated than the normal standard version. This road that I am going through, this motherhood journey, is a one way trip, there’s no turning back. I can’t afford to make any silly mistake, laughing about it later or even worse cry over it.

If there is one thing that being a mother mean to me, it is a lifetime certification for me to be a wiser and bigger person, inside and out.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers out there!