A Homemaker’s Diary

We managed to go to the Big Bad Wolf Sale on the first day. Hubby took annual leave just to be available for me to go there on Friday. The place is certainly much bigger compared to the sale venue last year. The only setback is that you have to park your car below the hill and take the tram to go to the Hall A. If you ever been to MAEPS in Serdang for MAHA, then you’ll know how vast the place is. However if you buy too many books (like we did) you can go and take your car and bring it to the exit so that the BBW staffs can help you load the books into your car 🙂

You will be given box to put all your chosen books..(err but we brought our own IKEA bags). The best part of the sale this year is that they have customer service counters where you can let them keep the full box and you take a new one and fill up with more books (clever business idea, huh!) You don’t have to push your heavy box around to browse more titles like last year while worrying that others will steal your books..haha!

As expected my son was not too happy being in a crowded place like that. We have to take turn to entertain him. If only there are more stalls selling snacks and bottled drinks outside of the halls. There was no stool or bench where waiting customers could sit. If there are more kids friendly facilities at the sale, I would have stay longer and buy more..sob sob!

Overall I am glad that we made it to the BBW first day sale. We managed to get a lot of books that our son loves like CARS, Thomas, Handy Manny and Mickey Mouse. It would have cost us a lot more if we were to buy them at the local bookstores at retail price. Thanks BBW for your effort! You have helped subsidizing our beloved son’s early childhood education by making books cheaper and available in Malaysia..(yes, some of the titles are only available by direct import.)

It’s almost 3 years now that I am being a stay-at-home-mom. What it’s like, you ask? On most days, it’s awful, awful, awful and then some wonderful moment happens, then it’s awful, awful awful again, and then some wonderful moment happens again..(I’m quoting The Back Up Plan movie here..heh!)

But that’s the truth.

I am a staunch supporter for mothers to stay at home and carry their ultimate obligation as a mom, yes to raise your child, clean their poop at 3 a.m, feed them what you cook at whatever hour they feel hungry, not just to come home from office and cuddle your clean, newly bathed precious child and then once she/he poops, you pass to the maid to clean him/her up..that’s just not fair! That’s what fathers in the old days do while moms slave in the kitchen day in and day out. Now moms have the choice to be like dads as well because women these days are modern and have career.

Mothers who are thinking of quitting their job to stay home to raise their own children need to be brave. They always wonder what it’s like being home all day. It’s very lonely and you will have no time for yourself. If you are working, you will have lunch hour, tea break and even toilet break. But you won’t have all that once you are at home alone with your child.

And then come the issue of money. Yes, you will feel the pinch of not having your own salary, greatly. If you used to have like RM2k-3k per month, now you will be lucky if you could have RM200. Of course if you are a tai-tai, money will not be an issue, but then again, tai tai won’t have to clean their child’s poop, they have amah and servants to do all that, so it defeats the purpose of you wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom in the first place.

My advice is, you got to have a strong heart if you want to be a SAHM. You have to sacrifice a lot and be burdened with so many ugly and hurtful remarks especially if your immediate family members are not supportive of your decision. It’s like having a post partum depression all your life to the extent you will no longer care of the pain they cause you.

But the rewards, only Allah S.W.T will pay in justice in later life.

Sometimes when I was out of patience and energy to wait for my son to fall asleep, I made promises. Like last weekend, I told him if he sleeps, we can go out and buy Hot Wheels.

So on Saturday we went out. Told him that he can choose Hot Wheels that he likes. So he did choose 2 and near the counter where we were supposed to pay there was a display of Cars 2 merchandise. So he looked here and there while Hubby went away to get something else (the reason why we went to the shopping complex in the first place).

Now he wanted to buy two Cars merchandise which costs RM35.90 each. So thinking that I know better since I’m the Mama, I told him why don’t we go and check out more choices in Toys R Us and see whether they have wider choices there. So I left the 2 Hot Wheels behind.

He checked out most of the Cars merchandise in Toys R Us but he was not interested to buy anything. In the end we chose for him a set of 7 Cars 2 character die casts which cost a lot more than what we initially planned to spend. But I thought he might enjoy it more, after all he’s all into Cars these days.

He kept on saying Hot Wheels as we walked to the parking lot. We thought he mistakenly thinks that all small cars or die casts as Hot Wheels. In the car, he kept on asking about Hot Wheels. Even when we reached home he kept on saying Hot Wheels.

Then it hit us that maybe what he really wants are those 2 Hot Wheels that he has carefully chose. Those two that will only cost us RM15 instead of RM200++ No wonder he was not interested to buy anything when I asked him to choose because in his mind, he thought I already paid for those 2 Hot Wheels.

Later that night when I have some time alone, I can’t help to think that here I am thinking since I’m the Mom, that I should know better and decide for my son what’s the best for him yet I want him to have his own opinion and make his own decision in life. I have been so caught up in my ego as a parent thinking that what I chose for him is what could bring him real happiness. I should have known better.

I hope I will not make the same mistake again. This time it might just be some toys, but later as he grows up, I don’t want my decision and my choice to be the cause of his unhappiness in life.

I lost a friend today, to stage 4 stomach cancer.

It is so sad. I knew her since we were like 18, 19 way back during college years. We were even working in the same company after both of us graduated from Uni.

About 2 months ago, she decided to quit her job and be a full time mom. She messaged me via Facebook asking about things to do at home, things that could earn money while carrying her task as a mother of two. Her 9 month old daughter is still breastfeeding when she was warded to the hospital.

I am glad that I made time to chat with her that day. That was the last time we communicated before she fell sick and went offline. And then I found her status stating that doctor suspected she has lymphoma cancer which turned out to be stage 4 stomach cancer. It then has spread to her bone marrow. I visited her in the hospital on 16th September, almost didn’t make it but now as I am typing this I was glad that we braved through the heavy rain. She was surrounded with family when I visited her.

Seeing her on the hospital bed, with blood infused to her vein, bruises all over her body, no longer able to digest food with sick and bloated tummy made me realized how short and frail life could be. It doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive, how big your house is or how much money you make and have in the account, in the end if you are lucky, it’s your loved ones that will be by your bedside day and night, and that is priceless.

That night after I visited her, for the first time as I lie on bed waiting for my son to fall asleep, I feel really blessed to be a mother. I imagined her not being able to breastfeed her daughter and not even able to see her 4-year old son in the hospital since before Hari Raya.

I pray that she is in a better place now. Al Fatihah.

For those who are still in the dark about the massive and long awaited annual book sale ever, do check out their official website – http://www.bigbadwolfbooks.com/.

Now they even have twitter and facebook where they usually post weekly contests to get the media pass, which I always miss because the timing was never right for me..huhu! (err..even if I get to guess the price on time, I never get the amount right either..huhu!)

Anyway, the good part is Hubby already applied for his annual leave on the first day of the sale so that he can go buy the first batch of possible books that I might need and like to read. Emm..even if I don’t like the books, it will be good to hoard them, especially children books as our son already recognized alphabets. It will be very soon when he will be reading books like nobody business (if he takes after me..haha!)

This time the wolf said he will be bringing 1.5 million books for the sale. Note to self: I have to keep myself updated for the next 2 weeks on what are the latest best sellers or whatever literature award winning titles so that I know what to grab when I go to the Big Bad Wolf sale.