People say take one step at a time, but in my case being a SAHM, I feel that I’m taking one day at a time..huhu! Why would I say that? Because I feel that for me time crawls rather than flies..I’m not sure when I really fall asleep, when the day starts, and when does it end..and the cycle continues..
I feel bad to confess that I have this ugly thought in my head, but me being a mere human, I just can’t help it. Sometimes it makes me cry, most of the time I feel like running away and leave this life behind. It doesn’t make me love my son any less, but at times, honestly I feel suffocated simply being “a mom”.
Now I know why some women can’t stand being at home, not working and solely taking care of their children. This is why some women rather brave the wee hours of going to work regardless how small their pay is, rather than being stuck at home with their kids, unpaid! Or why some women choose to hire maid, send their children to nursery or send the kids to grandparents and go back to see the children on weekly or monthly basis.
The toll of being a mom is too much, this is not a job just anyone can do. I finished reading the Baby Whisperer book and I really like this part:
” A lot of mums go into denial, particularly those who leave thriving, high prestige careers in favor of motherhood, or those who are superorganized. Their lives are thrown out of sync when the baby arrives. They want to believe that life will be exactly the way it always has been. And rather than feel the emotions that come with early motherhood or own up to their fears, they minimize the experience.
In fact, prospective power mums often ask, “How hard could it be to have a baby?” or “How hard could it be to breastfeed?” When they get home, they find out that although they can run multimillion-dollar companies or shepherd complex programs through committees, motherhood poses challenges they never dreamed of.
Thus, part of their denial manifests itself in an urgency to embrace something they already know how to do and are good at. Business or lunch with their cronies is a no-brainer compared to all they have to do and learn when they first come home with a new baby.”
I hope I will be strong enough to journey through all these baby years..and may things will be easier, Amin!
Yep, nobody said that it’s going to be easy. Most are in denial. Let’s leave it at that.
It’s difficult that’s why I try my best to relieve you even for a while, whenever possible. Unfortunately he loves to cling with you more. Hopefully as he grows older he will get closer to me.
Sometimes I do feel bad, being busy with work and not able to help more but I do what I can. I try my best. I’m just a human anyway, and so are you. Let’s try our best and work together – cooperation is the key. Even Wonderpets say that 🙂
Pray that he will turn out to be a good man, and we need to make sure that there will never be a day that we turn back and think that we have not done enough.
Me, I’m proud of you.
Love ya.
I too think baby stages was the hardest years – but I don’t have blog to pour my frustration 🙂 at that time – can’t promise you anything but hopefully situation would calm down as soon as your baby gets older, then all of this experience could just be sweet (though horrible) memories that you could tell him later 🙂
And you are so lucky to have such a good, wonderful, understanding husband…
Hubby, Thanks! I’m doing the best that I can..
Sarah, I hope this phase will pass soon..some days it works just fine for me, but certain days, I just lost it..huhu! I pray that things will get better or at least I could be stronger to survive this 🙂
I’ve been the silent reader all the while. My experience with my son (clingy, tantrum, not enough sleep, breastfeeding, bottles) made me understand how you feel. Trust me, it will pass soon, just be patient and you will treasure all the memories with a smile.
Thanks emi, that’s what I’ve been telling myself, soon my son will grow up and what is left is all these memories 🙂